silence

Good afternoon,
I hope everyone had a great Halloween. But that's not what I want to talk about.

I have always been the type of person who would put music on at all times. I hated to be in a quite house. I never liked being alone for any length of time. This has changed. I don't know if it's from growing up or just how my life style has changed, but I long for quite. I wish to be alone. I find now I use music to create that quite I'm looking for. I know this sounds odd but just hear me out. When you are listening to music, I find that music I know well works best, you can let your mind go blank. All it's about is feeling and if it's loud enough it drowns out the sounds of the world around you for a little while. You can live in a bubble for just a bit. Now I know my timing on this is a going to be a problem. I have picked the worst time of year to start to feel in need of quite and space. There are few people who I can deal with when I get like this. Jono, thank god, is one. My family is another. So I hope that the holidays will all be ok since it's all family.

This need for quite has driven me back to my childhood music. It has driven me back to my stories that I know by heart. I have started looking up monasteries and retreats to go to. I'm tempted to run away for the weekend again. I know this is completely out of the question right now though. I am needed here. I need to finish moving and boxing things up. I need to be working. Life goes on and it's not going to stop for me. So I will keep going. But I will find some time for me to be by myself. I will do what I need to do.

hugs+kisses
mce